Problem
"I have to repeat the same thing to my child a thousand times, and he still doesn't listen." "He is stubborn, argues, and does the opposite of what I say, almost as if to spite me."
Reason
Naughty behavior often stems from restrictions and demands that may be unclear to the child. Constant "no" and "don't" can lead to frustration that evolves into rebellion.
On the other hand, in their desire to create a kind and happy environment for the child, parents may fall into permissiveness, which also results in disobedience and a lack of control over the child's behavior. Additionally, a child's reluctance to engage in certain activities may arise from not recognizing their value.
Solution
With the skills of goal-setting and self-organization, a child will learn to fill their time not just with enjoyable activities but also with necessary tasks. They will move beyond judging activities solely based on whether they are "interesting" and begin to recognize that tasks can also be useful, obligatory, or urgent.
The ability to create and follow through on agreements will enable the child to discuss conditions that work for everyone, avoid conflicts, and see tasks through to completion.
Furthermore, the skill of proactivity will empower the child to overcome challenges, resist emotional impulses, and refrain from blaming circumstances or others for their failures.
Games, Practices, and Techniques for Skill Development
We offer several effective techniques and exercises for the independent development of these skills.
Exercise "20 Minutes of Focus"
Set a timer for 20 minutes for completing tasks without distractions. Explain that during this time, they should not be distracted by phones or other entertainment. After the 20 minutes, take a short break. This exercise will help the child develop the ability to focus on tasks, which is especially important in studies and daily life.
Reward System
Create a reward system for completing tasks. For each completed task, the child can earn stars or tokens, which can later be exchanged for small prizes or privileges. This exercise motivates the child to complete tasks, fostering a sense of responsibility and encouraging achievements.
Effective Communication Strategies
Discuss with your child the possibility of using a code word (such as "bird," "fork," or "strawberry") in situations when parental demands become excessive or when they are asked to do something inappropriate. Establish the rules for this agreement:
- In what situations the code word can be used and when it cannot.
- How a parent should respond when the child uses this word.
- What the parent should do if the child uses the code word in an emergency situation.
You can also agree that both mom and dad can use this word. For example, to make a quiet remark without attracting the attention of others or to prevent a meltdown. This will help the child develop negotiation skills and feel that they have an influence on the situation. Additionally, this will change your usual reactions to disobedience, which, in turn, will affect the child's behavior. This way, you can gradually establish boundaries without spending time on arguments and negotiations.
Toys that can help:
3-6, 6+
A construction toy can be an excellent tool for addressing disobedience and a lack of self-organization in a child. First, the assembly process requires attention and sequence, helping to develop the ability to focus on a task. The child learns to plan their actions, understanding that following a specific order is necessary to achieve the desired outcome.
Second, construction toys provide the child with the opportunity to make decisions and take action independently. This fosters the development of internal motivation and responsibility for their actions. When they see how their efforts lead to a tangible result, it strengthens their self-belief and capabilities.
Additionally, playing with construction toys can be organized into small tasks that help the child learn to set and achieve goals. Positive experiences of success in this process can boost their confidence and improve behavior in other areas of life.
Ultimately, construction toys not only entertain but also serve as a tool for developing important skills that will help the child manage tasks better and control their behavior.
0-3, 3-6
A busy board in the Montessori style, can significantly help in cases where a child is disobedient and struggles with self-organization. Here are several ways this toy can have a positive impact:
Development of Concentration: The busy board offers a variety of elements and tasks that require attention. This helps the child learn to focus on one task and develop concentration skills.
Independent Exploration: The board provides the child with the opportunity to explore and interact with various materials, fostering independence and confidence in their actions. This can help reduce disobedience as the child learns to be an active participant in play.
Goal Setting and Achievement: Each element on the board can be viewed as a small task. The child learns to set goals for themselves and achieve them, which develops planning and self-organization skills.
Fine Motor Skills Development: Working with different elements on the board enhances coordination and motor skills, which also influences the child's overall ability to self-regulate.
Understanding Cause and Effect: The busy board allows the child to experiment and see the results of their actions, helping them become more aware of the consequences of their behavior.
Stress Relief and Mood Improvement: Playing with a busy board can be relaxing and engaging, helping the child calm down and prepare for more constructive behavior.
Thus, the busy board becomes not just a toy, but a useful tool for developing skills that will help the child better manage their behavior and become more organized.
6+
Board games can be very helpful in situations where a child is disobedient and struggles with self-organization. Here are several ways in which such games can help:
Development of Concentration: Board games require attention and focus, helping the child learn to concentrate on a given task.
Learning to Follow Rules: Games usually have their own rules, and to play successfully, the child must adhere to them. This teaches discipline and the importance of following established norms.
Planning and Strategy: Many board games require players to develop strategies and plan their actions, which enhances self-organization skills and critical thinking.
Social Skills: Playing with other children or adults fosters communication skills, teaches teamwork, and helps the child respect others' opinions, which is important for emotional intelligence.
Emotional Regulation: Board games can help children learn to manage emotions such as joy, disappointment, or frustration, which is especially important for self-regulation.
Goal Setting and Achievement: During gameplay, the child learns to set goals (such as winning or completing a specific task) and achieve them, which helps develop determination.
